Personal Vs Professional.

The few people that know me know that 2019 so far, has SUCKED! My daughter is unwell…still, and we are still waiting for the referred appointment to come through. In the meantime we have been taking it day by day. We wake up and she tells me how is she is feeling and whether or not she thinks she can manage attempting a school day. She truly is trying and I am trying to make her aware of pacing so we can try to avoid her overdoing things and making herself unwell again. She’s missing school. She’s missing her friends. She’s missing learning BUT she has been powering through. Barely managing a morning at school let alone a full day, and being exhausted and in pain with headaches and leg pain. As well as still suffering with anxiety symptoms like the tightening of her chest and being unable to breathe. 10 years old and dealing with/trying to understand this is not easy. I have done everything to keep in touch with the school, keeping them informed with how she is feeling and when she can’t attend. R (I want to keep her privacy by not saying her name) is up and down and I can never determine how she’s going to be from one day to the next. It would appear no amount of informing the school, making apologies, having meetings, asking for phone calls back is going to satisfy the new headteacher. At first I thought I was being over sensitive and paranoid to how she was… 1) talking to me and 2) how she was acting around me. After everything that has happened so far, and what continues to happen at this moment in time, I know I’m not being over sensitive or paranoid. This woman continues to treat me like I am beneath her time and time again, continues to ignore me and my daughter, and most importantly continues to let her personal opinion of me over ride her professional obligation. Quite frankly I have had enough of her lies and broken promises. I’m not going to go into minute details as this is still an ongoing situation that I am trying my best to resolve.

Has anyone else been victimised by a person in authority/schools? How is best to deal with the situation? How do you keep your cool? How do you protect and fight for your young without completely losing your sanity? Why do some people in authority think that because they are in a higher position than yourself, they can treat you like you are lower than them? Love, we all came into this world the same and we all end up the same…dead! Your grave isn’t going to be any bigger than mine just because you have a degree and high opinion of yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve made mistakes. I lost my cool and said some things that I shouldn’t of said. Anyone that knows me will know I have a fiery personality but over the years, I have grown, and I’m willing to accept when I am wrong. And that I did, I went into the school and apologised to her face for my actions. That was a bitter pill to swallow. Since then nothing that has been agreed, has been put into action. If you claim to be working with the parents to improve the school and bring it back to it’s best, then at least keep to your word.

It’s easy to see if you see me on a day to day basis. I am clearly surviving on a diet of coffee, cigarettes and exhaustion. The little sleep I manage to grab is beyond restless. The stress I am under just from having a sick child is enough. Appointments, letters, tests and phone calls with doctors and specialists. The endless wait for a referral to come through just so we can get some answers. I’m walking around like a zombie on crack. Heavy black bags under my eyes, no make up and my hair scraped back, a headscarf on to hide the greasiness of it. I’m not ashamed, My one an only priority at the moment is my daughter. But when you add all of this school stress on top then there’s going to come a point when I snap…again. I’ve already snapped once. My mental health is suffering now. Tight chest, anxious shakes, clammy hands and busy mind. I’m emotionally unstable already and this just elevates everything. But I’ll survive because I’ve survived worse than this.

My daughter is a 10 year old little girl, a child, one of the little people that goes to that school. A state school that should be providing the same amount of education, CARE and SUPPORT to every pupil. I’ll believe it when I see it. Just remember, the only person who is actually suffering in all of this is her.

Kimmi’s Qualms Xx

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