Making light of the dark.

Life sucks. Bad things happen everyday. I’m not going to say the cliche “Bad things always happen to good people,” because that is absolute bullshit. Good and bad things happen to people, that’s the reality of it. We are all here living our own journeys, things happen. I know plenty of good people that have got sick, and equally I know bad people that have got sick.

If you’ve been following my blog then you’ll know that my daughter has been sick for sometime. It’s actually been about 7 weeks. Now we’re reaching the stage of ‘Why?’

“Why do I feel this way Mum?”

“Why have I been so ill for so long Mum?”

“Why have I got this Mum?”

Endless questions! You can hardly blame her. It’s not like she hasn’t gone through enough in her life, and then to be landed with this. I’m telling you now, there is no such thing as God. If there was a God, he wouldn’t make kids sick…period. (I won’t go into that now.) However we’ve had an even tougher week and a half as she was unable to walk again. I’ve literally been hauling my nearly 10 year old to bed, to the bath, and to the toilet. I honestly don’t know where I’ve found the strength, it’s been exhausting.

Cut a looong story short, we’ve had a few days where she has also been unable to feed herself because she’s been in too much pain. Yesterday it all got too much, so I decided that it was time. Time to teach her how to see the light in the dark. “Yes, you may be unable to walk, but thing about all the times when you didn’t want to walk, now you’re being treated like a Queen and carried everywhere. I know your arms hurt and I know you wish you could feed yourself but it’s okay because Queens get fed too. Oh I know you’re really glad about your arms hurting when it comes to bath time because of the daily battles I have with you to wash yourself properly.” At this she laughed. I explained to her that although it sucked that she was really sick, it wouldn’t be everyday forever, and if she could see the funny/light side of it then it would be more bearable. I told her to laugh at me trying to lift her, laugh at me when I have to get up as soon as I’ve sat down to get her a drink.

Its only been 24 hours since we’ve had that conversation and to be honest, I can’t even let you know if it’s worked because today, there hasn’t been any tears or upset. There hasn’t been a Mum that’s had to do everything for her, there hasn’t been a moment where I’ve had to bathe her or lift her to the bathroom. Today my daughter has been walking for the first time since February 3rd. I’m so happy for her and so relieved to rest my arms. Let’s hope this is the start of feeling a bit better and stronger for her. She’s definitely felt more cheerful today which is encouraging. Onwards and upwards!

Kimmi’s Qualms Xx

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