Struggles.

The last few weeks have been a struggle. This last week has been more than a struggle. I’m not going to go in to some of the reasons because I’m simply not ready, but one of the main reasons is just because I’m tired. Typing that out and seeing the words in front of me on this screen, looks and feels like a really lame excuse. To be honest whenever I say the words they even sound lame. When I say “I’m tired,” it doesn’t really mean tired in the way that you would imagine it does. I mean my mind is tired, my body is tired, everything hurts and it never goes away, emotionally and physically. Some days it’s easier to slip that mask on and pretend I’m good. Other days…not so much. This week…not at all!

I was well aware that this week was going to be difficult but I had also already mentally psyched myself up for it. I was going to be strong. It came to a crashing halt on Monday morning. I hadn’t slept for the previous two nights and I had a bunch of stuff to do and appointments to attend, along with other boring and mundane things. Honestly all I wanted to do was the lock the door, stay in my PJs and avoid people and the world for the forseeable. That couldn’t and wouldn’t be the case though.

The entire week was spent not being strong at all but I think I just about got through with people thinking I was. I don’t know though. It’s not like I’m going to come out and ask someone if I’ve done enough to convince them I’m strong and coping.

Anyways, I don’t want to go off being all “woe is me,” so I wanted to share what I do to escape.

  1. Music. Music makes everything better. It allows me to be transported to so many different places and feelings. I truly find comfort in it. Whether I’m crying to Adele, rocking out to Ozzy, twerking my ”’hoe ass’ to Cardi or laughing along with Afroman or Steel Panther. It helps me. My mood can easily change at the drop of a beat/song.
  2. Books. Oh I love books. I’m not the Kindle type, I need a physical book in my hand. I need to smell the book. Is that weird? I need to turn the pages and see the print. By the way, it’s not weird. New books have that beautiful smell, like a newborn baby smells. I’m not saying they smell like new babies haha, but it’s a smell you can’t get enough of. Books help me escape reality. I get to be someone else, the characters. I get to be in a different life and experience different things. I think everyone needs that type of escapism but I crave it.
  3. Crystals and Tarot. This may sound insane to some but they bring me comfort. Having my protection crystal hanging in my window brings me comfort. Sitting with crystals and having incense burning and just taking that time to feel and breathe freely brings me comfort. I’m new to Tarot so please don’t ask me any questions. I’m still reading the book and studying the cards. I haven’t even attempted a reading yet and I don’t intend to until I’m fully confident in what I’m doing. But yes they are another happy place for me.

These things are my favourites. Just the top of the list. Writing is another for me, going for a drive, being out in the countryside or at the beach, and online shopping. But that’s probably more of an addiction that I don’t particularly want to address at the moment. So I was wondering what you guys do to escape? What takes you to your happy place? What do you take comfort in at the end of a long hard day?

All images my own.

Kimmi’s Qualms Xx

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