As I said in my last post. we all have regrets. One of mine is not going to University and progressing even more in Performing Arts. It’s too late for that now and I’ve finally come to accept it. Admittedly when I see performances and artists on stage it still bites…a little. Who am I kidding? Last year my Mum took me to the Aladdin musical in the West End of London. It was incredible, and it hurt. More than an hour of amazing performance and reminders of what I could’ve of possibly achieved. I still more than enjoyed it and definitely recommend it to everyone.
Anyway, I seem to have gone off on a tangent there. As a dancer your career wasn’t destined to be incredibly long, because of injuries etc. My mum always said to me that I should have a back up plan. Not for if I didn’t make it, but something else for when my dance career stalled. At school I loved English. English language and literature. I love to read. I could always be found curled up on the sofa with a book, whilst my brother and sister were out playing. I also loved writing, I kept a diary but didn’t keep it up daily. I also enjoyed creative writing. I dreamed of writing my own book one day.
So here I am. 2019. 31 years old. I’ve spent a lot of years focusing on the regrets and the things I haven’t achieved. The person I lost when I was trapped in situations or relationships I didn’t want to be in. I’ve spent the last 2/3 years working on myself. That maybe viewed as selfish, but how can you be the best version of yourself and a positive role model, if you’re not secure in your own person. I’m not secure every single day by a long shot but I’m definitely a lot more secure than I used to be. And to be honest, I’m taking that as a win, because if you lived in my mind, one single day of feeling secure in myself is a vast improvement than before. Sometimes we have to be selfish to find our way.
I was finding my way and curled up on my own sofa, a book in hand. I’m not for this whole Kindle life, I need an actual book in my hand and the ability to turn the page. Nothing smells and feels better than a new book. And then it dawned on me. I could do this. I can do anything I want to do if I really want it that bad, and I do really want it.
Today is Sunday and I’m brainstorming. I’m brainstorming ideas for my book. Children’s book? Romantic novel? Crime? Ideas are flowing and although I know it won’t constantly be this simple, I’m willing to work at it. I may not have progressed in Performing Arts and gone to university, but I sure as hell can try and progress in writing. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be sat here on a Sunday proof reading my own book. A mum can dream right?
Kimmi’s Qualms Xx
Images and poems courtesy of Joseph Colombrita. IG: Poemsbyjcol